As An Ex-Sex Worker, I Feel I Need To Talk About The Gilgo Beach Killer

When I heard that the Gilgo Beach Killer got caught, I wasn't expecting to see a face that looked oddly familiar. While I was able to confirm it was not one of the guys I used to get paid to go on dinner dates with, it looked so much like him that I felt a chill.

As many of my readers know, I was trafficked when I was younger. When I got out, I eventually turned to do brief stints as an escort when I couldn't afford food or shelter.

And yes, I escorted in New York and New Jersey during the time Rex Heuermann was active. Needless to say, this case hits very close to home for me.

There are so, so many things about this fucking case that I feel aren't being said enough. Here are the ones that really should be driven home.

Author's Note: I can't believe I have to say this, but if you slut-shame me, tell me that sex work is bad, or try to tell me what I and my friends go through, I'm blocking you and reporting you. You're part of the Christofascist-fueled problem if you do this shit.

Most sex workers who do escorting are aware that police don't care when they go missing

I'll say the quiet part out loud: police don't care when sex workers die. They don't. Serial killers have openly admitted that they target sex workers because they know that no one will "miss them when they vanish."

When a sex worker is killed, police generally note it as a "NO HUMANS INVOLVED" case. As in, they don't see sex workers as people. There was an entire documentary on this, and frankly, it says how much people hate sex workers.

Every time I went to a client's house, I had to wonder if I was coming back. I knew if I went missing, no one would care. This is a phenomenon that is only recently starting to change — and even then, I'm not sure how much it ever will change.

I honestly feel like society hates women who enjoy sex or are okay with sex more than any other group. We get denied medical treatment, told it's our fault we got raped, and when we die, our families are told no humans were involved.

It's heartbreaking and it's fucked up. But the girls who died here? They are an exception to the rule because most killers don't get caught.

Author's Note: The fact that sex work is illegal makes it so unsafe — and also gives others the ground to turn a blind eye to what happens to those who partake. Sex work will not go away. Regulating it and providing safe services and a way out will make it 1000 percent safer.

The biggest thing that I noticed is that the case was actually busted open by a pimp's tip

According to the reports, the case was given the biggest tip by victim Amber Costello's pimp — a man whose actual name remains unknown. He was the one to approach Suffolk County Police and tell them that they should look into Rex Heuermann.

His tip helped connect Heuermann's car to the scene of the crime, which ended up busting the case wide open. The pimp was on the wrong side of the law, but he was still brave enough to go to the police and tell them something isn't right.

The pimp also told the police that the guy was "very into prostitutes," which may have been the final push they needed to investigate him. That move potentially saved the lives of other women.

Amber Costello was never reported missing, by the way. The fact that he did that showed me that he cared about her more than others around her did. That was a massive, massive risk he took. I don't think that man got enough praise.

What many people do not realize, though, is that's what a pimp's job is supposed to be. Pimping isn't always slapping women around, tricking them into sex work, or similar. That's actually trafficking and it's fucked up that people tend to conflate the two.

Pimping (and escort agencies) are there to go beyond just marketing the girls doing live sex work. They are actually there to do safety calls, keep track of who's seeing the women, and also step in if something happens to you.

A pimp that does not protect sex workers is not a legitimate pimp — at least, not in my eyes. Working girls who are sex workers choose their agents/security/pimps for a reason. It's basically their lifeline in the event they meet another Rex.

It also struck me that most people don't realize that sex workers screen clients

One of the many random moments I had in my life was watching how escort agencies worked. In bad agencies, a phone worker would impersonate the girl and tell the price, then give an address — virtually no questions about the person's name.

That's not how it should go. Most veteran sex workers, pimps, and agencies have been around long enough to have a blacklist of clients. They also have been around long enough to pick up when a guy is calling on a burner phone.

The most safety-oriented group I worked with would actually ask the person's government name, address, and workplace. They would run background checks on every client and bar people from showing up if something came out wrong.

When I would escort through them, I actually had to ask for ID to make sure it matched. If it didn't, I could knock on the room next door, and security would come in. I honestly credit that as the reason why I didn't go missing.

Rex Heuermann used burner phones and aliases to cover his tracks. If you want to have a liaison with a sex worker and balk at the idea of going through screening, realize that this is why.

Any guy can sound nice and gentlemanly over the phone. That doesn't mean he won't try to kill you for shits and giggles.

One of the girls also had tried to get help and called the cops, only to get ignored

Per the family of victim Shannan Gilbert in this article:

"Sherre Gilbert has her own ideas about what happened. She says she believes someone found her sister after she tried to get help at the house of the woman who made the third 911 call and potentially drugged her to calm her down since she had become hysterical. Sherre Gilbert says maybe her sister died after that, an accident, and someone (or someones) took her body and dumped it on the marsh, scattering her belongings along the way to make it appear she wandered there herself."

Hysterical. Ugh.

She used the word I constantly hear when people see women who are victimized by men "hysterical." I hate it because it's the word that is often used to silence and gaslight women who are genuinely being treated like chattel.

But, there seems to be more to this theory than I think Sherre pointed out.

There were multiple calls to the cops, which were all patently ignored because #protectandserve doesn't work with sex workers. But, there was a woman who was in a home nearby and this girl tried to get help from her.

My question is, who was that woman? Where did Heuermann take her and how did he convince this woman that Shannan should go with him? It reeks of the same kind of dynamic that Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy had where they both had victims returned to them.

Why does this keep happening? Why doesn't anyone believe the victims until they see the bodies?

All of these women had families, dreams, hopes, and love for others

I'm so, so tired of seeing people make fun of the "dead stripper in the trunk" trope. It's not funny. These women were real people, human beings who honestly were just trying to make ends meet.

The fact that our society is so sick that it ignores them, calls them inhuman, and blames them for "choosing the wrong job" says volumes about why we're so fucked up.

But, you know, maybe this is just my rage speaking. I might be hysterical over this, because I being an AFAB person might get my hormones all up in a bunch over this.

After all, it could have been me in one of those burlap sacks, so many years ago.

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