The single most damaging emotion is fear. Leverage it and you'll never question the outcomes you create again.
Fear is the lowest of all emotions. If you imagine the emotional spectrum as a horizontal line, place Fear squarely at the lowest point on the left side.
On the right side is probably something like Love or something, at least that's what psychonauts and yogis often say, but we aren't so concerned with love right now.
Fear → Stuff in Between → Love
At best, fear paralyzes us, and prevents us from doing anything at all. So struck are we by this powerful emotion that we may not even be able to string a sentence together, let alone think effectively; at worst, fear causes us to behave irrationally in patterns of unintentional self-sabotage.
The most dangerous and violent people I've ever met, are those most ruled by fear. Fear makes them paranoid and delusional. Everyone and everything is a threat gotta be ready to neutralize it.
The nicest people I've ever met are those most ruled by fear. Fear makes them fawn and lie pathologically. Everyone is a second away from an argument, put out the fire before it starts.
The laziest people I've ever met, are those most ruled by fear. Fear makes their bodies stiff and they freeze, unable to act.
It's not rocket science, it's the way we respond to trauma and stress. That doesn't make it any less dangerous, and it doesn't make it any less damaging.
Sitting in paralysis while your life crumbles around you, while your balance dwindles to pennies, while your relationships fall apart, while your health goes to hell — it's not ideal, is it?
Lying to prevent an argument that was never going to happen — it's not ideal, is it?
Responding to life with hyper-agression and violence — it's not ideal, is it?
How do you overcome fear?
Step 1:
- You accept the fact that you're scared
Step 2:
- Apply logic and realize that acting irrationally out of fear, only makes it more likely that your fears will be realized
Step 3:
- You look at it dead on, do what scares you anyway, and leverage the experience of fear to become better
As damaging as fear can be, it can be leveraged very effectively as a self-development tool.
Look at it this way, you're four seconds from peeing yourself in terror every other day anyway, might as well use it to your advantage.
Here's the deal.
Fears of the more mundane nature that we often deal with almost always point to something that can be leveraged for your self-development, they point to weaknesses that when overcome can bring you closer to what you want in life.
Let's get specific.
Today I overheard a conversation. Two girls were talking about a recent breakup. The guy was jealous. Jealous.
Accusations, checking her phone, never wanting to go anywhere, the whole nine yards. What happened? Well, I already spoiled it, she left him.
"I just can't," she said to her friend. "He tried to get back together, ya know? Like buy me flowers and all that, and I was like, 'Dave…I just can't.' He just doesn't get it…and then he cried…I like him, I just can't."
"He really doesn't get it," her friend agreed shaking her head.
He doesn't get it, I also agreed, nodding and walking away.
What was the deal with Dave? By extension, what's the deal with jealous partners that do this kinda stuff?
It seems so obvious to all of us onlookers what Dave's problem is: he was so scared of being abandoned, that he blew up his relationship.
Do you see the irony of this? He was so scared of something, that he unintentionally made it happen.
Why was Dave so scared? I don't know and I don't care. If I had to guess Dave had experienced betrayal, that's typically how the story goes.
What did Dave want?
I'd guess he wanted to feel secure and trusting of his partner.
To feel safe, or something.
So how could Dave have fixed this? How could Dave have leveraged his fear? How could we have brought him closer to what he wanted in life?
Fears of the more mundane nature that we often deal with almost always point to something that can be leveraged for your self-development, they point to weaknesses that when overcome can bring you closer to what you want in life.
Step 1:
- Dave accepts that he's scared of being abandoned
Step 2:
- Dave applies logic and realizes that his jealous behavior just makes it more likely that he will be abandoned
Step 3:
- Dave faces his fear, by allowing himself to behave as though he trusts his partner
Outcome:
- They're happy enough together and Dave gets to experience a trusting relationship
Dave faces his fear and gets what he really wants, which is a better relationship.
You see, it's that simple, now stop being such a damn coward.
Fear often starts in the mind, but it's a physiological response.
The more scared you are, the more difficult it is to control your mind, to think clearly, which is why you're better off not thinking too much and just doing because thinking often just makes it worse.
Another thing I'd like you to consider is that what you fear, is never guaranteed to happen.
What is guaranteed, is that if you act irrationally under the influence of fear, what will happen, will never be the best possible outcome, often it will be the worst.
Here's an idea, treat facing fears like a game.
These types of fears point to things that you really want, so face them as they come up.
You're better off facing fears than letting them rule your life. You may not always get exactly what you want, but you'll always get something better than what you've been getting under the influence of fear.
Oh yeah, did I mention that as we face fears, our threshold increases, making us better and more resilient?
That's true too.
That's all there is to it.