1. Have you ever thought: I need to wake up earlier?

The early bird gets the worm! Right? Many CEOs talk about the morning rituals that amp them up for the day. I don't think they have kids, but whatever. Statistically, no one has ever run a successful empire by waking up at noon (don't fact check that, please).

I have four children with an age range of 2 to 14. I'm pretty sure I haven't slept a full night since I was 19 (I started young, don't judge me). I go to bed at midnight and get kneed in the face at 6 a.m. It's a great system.

Actually, I think there was a day that they all slept in, but I burst into the baby's room like a crazy woman because I thought that maybe he had died. Why is it 7:30 a.m. and no one is making noise? Of course, he was simply asleep. I mean, not after I barged into the room like a S.W.A.T team member, but he had been. After that, he was awake. And also angry. Which translated into an irritable toddler. I brewed the coffee extra strong that day, prayed for nap time to happen without incident, and then spent the hour scrolling through my phone looking at photos of him because I missed him.

2. They keep you active!

Are you one of those people who like counting steps? Do you like squatting, running, deadlifting, and arm raises? Well, have I got the perfect workout routine for you: parenting!

Physical activities that children provide:

  • running after toddlers (how can something with such little legs be so fast??)
  • wrangling, bathing, and dressing said toddlers (if you don't have a child, you can substitute a cat and it'll likely be about as fun)
  • installing car seats (extra workout points if you have 1 car seat to use between 2 cars)
  • holding 8–18 pounds for the first several months of their life, because BABIES DON'T LIKE WHEN YOU SIT DOWN
  • taking apart some sink plumbing when your baby rinses some jewelry down the drain
  • sprints to lock the door (you initially thought was locked) when you realize they're about to walk into some "extracurricular" activities

Important note: none of these activities will get you beach ready. Rather, at best you'll get what people affectionately call a "mom" or "dad" bod.

Another important note: I've seen the videos of moms who do squats while they fold laundry and their 3 angelic children sit quietly beside them or mimic the moves. "No excuses, ladies!" I only have one response: HEAVY. EDITING. I've tried this. Does not work in my household. Unless success means push up attempts with the 2-year-old hitting my head with his truck and my 4-year-old angry I won't play paw patrol with her and the dog trying to lick my face while the oldest two get in a fight over who gets to play with the Occulus. Does. Not. Work.

Emotional / intellectual activities that children provide:

  • heart attacks when they are learning to drive
  • opportunities to work on patience (woo-sah)
  • snapping out a threat "Fine! Then I'm turning the car around!" and realizing you have to commit otherwise they'll call your bluff forever
  • a 30-minute explanation of a 2-minute YouTube video

3. They humble you.

I wish I knew as much about parenting as I did before I had children. Those were the good ol' days. I had everything figured out: sleeping habits, discipline, diets, playtime. Everything.

Then I had them and ate a lot of humble pie.

I found out:

  • I actually will use one of those kid leash things
  • by the fourth pregnancy, I will drink as much caffeine as I want to
  • I don't know as much elementary school math as I would have initially guessed (I have a Master's degree…)
  • my belly is very squishy
  • I will bedshare and run to my babies every time they cry
  • I didn't appreciate how perky my breasts were 4 kids ago
  • why my mother wished a kid "just like you!" on me
  • I was not sneaky when I was young, my mother simply didn't care and needed a moment to herself
  • you can love someone so much you'd jump in front of a moving car for them and still not want to share your cookie with them
  • my sarcastic wit is not as funny when it's being aimed at me through the mouth of my 14-year-old

4. You are never alone.

Do you like privacy in the bathroom? If so, having children is not for you. I've nursed a baby while sitting on the toilet. Bathroom etiquette is not their thing. As they get older, children tend to get the memo, but initially, they're a little bad at the whole boundaries thing.

It should be noted that not being alone does not equate to never being lonely. This is especially true if you are the one staying at home. I've been a stay-at-home mom, worked from home, and worked out of the home. I thrive when I'm allowed time away from my children. 24/7 parenting is not just exhausting, it's too much. I don't believe that one person should be with their children, without breaks, for years. That causes burn out. It crushes the soul. It makes room for resentment in a relationship, it can cause depression. The saying, "It takes a village." doesn't apply solely to raising a child, it applies to supporting a parent (in the U.S., I'd restrict that to supporting a mother).

5. You'll get a lot of surprises.

"Mama!" said my 4-year-old.

"What?" I replied. I was reading a book and distracted.

"Here, I don't want it."

I held out my hand and she slid hers across mine. I looked over at what she had just gifted me.

A booger.

I've found a lot of impromptu wall art. Several years ago, my now 12-year-old, carved "I love you" into my car with a screwdriver.

6. They help you have a sense of humor.

There are day when you have to laugh to keep from crying. Parenting is not for the weak. It's tough.

But most days there plenty of laughter from the good that comes from it. Jim Gaffigan once said that having children makes you a better person. I believe it. I love when my daughter points at the full moon in awe. I loved introducing my oldest two to roller coasters. I enjoy our late night conversations — unless it's about Pewdiepie or Mr. Beast (if I could ban them from the every device everywhere, I would).

Once, I pointed at the trees as they swayed in a thunderstorm. The rustling and wind whirled around to create a swooshing chatter. "Look," I told my daughter. "They're talking."

Now, when a cold front swoops in, she's the one that points it out with a broad smile. "The trees are talking, mama!"

My children help me see the world through different perspectives. I know I'll cherish all the enjoyable moments. I'll look back and laugh at all the tough moments (except the car one…I might need a few more years on that one). Regardless, I looked forward to motherhood when I was younger. It's nothing like I thought it would be, but I'm grateful. And I'm happy.