If you only support passing trans people, you don't support trans people. The ONLY way to genuinely support trans people is by supporting our self-determination and autonomy. Only supporting trans people you "believe are trans" isn't good enough, and excludes our most vulnerable.
There can be no arbitrator of who is "trans enough" that will not cause incredible harm.
This is also why the subject of what defines transness or what "causes" it must be approached with incredible caution. I personally truly believe there is a biological basis behind the trans experience. Any research done upon this basis will almost certainly be used for eugenics.
The only way true allyship to trans people can come about is to simply accept that trans people exist, believe our experiences, and give up your desire to understand the why.
Whether biologically, socially, culturally, etc, you must actively disenfranchise the part of your psyche that wants to evaluate whether someone else is "trans enough" to merit your protection, or your trans activism and allyship will only protect those you deem valid.
This seems simple enough until it's applied. In real life, this task is quite difficult. Yes, you support trans people, you're so happy for Elliot Page and the trans activists you see online. But are you prepared to be equally as happy for someone in your life? You have pronouns in your bio, but have you prepared yourself to use the correct pronouns for a coworker you've known for years if they come out to you? Are you prepared to call your sibling or child by a different name? Or will you just "ask questions" and cast doubt on them? You tweet that #TransIsBeautiful but are you willing to internally deal with your own emotions if someone in your life starts HRT, or gets surgery, or radically alters their appearance? Are you prepared to recognize that their transition isn't about you, and act accordingly?
Are you able to recognize within yourself that any reactions of doubt, or hesitancy, or panic about someone else's transition come from a place of transphobia rather than a place of rationality?
Anything less will not save the trans people in your life. Anything less will NOT be allyship to the trans people around you. It won't save them. It won't help them cope. It won't let them trust you. Performative allyship isn't good enough.
Trans people are 1–3% of the population. We are born into every group, every society, every culture on earth. How many people do you know? How many trans people do you know? If you don't know any trans people in your personal life, they likely aren't absent; just closeted. Are you the reason why?
Truly dismantling the transphobia that society implants in us, from a very young age, is difficult. It's hard work. It won't be common sense, or come naturally. But if you genuinely care about trans people, and if your allyship to us is more than performative, it's necessary.
This won't happen naturally. It must be practiced, and prepared for, or in the crucial moment, you will fail the trans people in your life.
Believe trans people. Including those of us who don't pass. Including those of us who you internally don't believe. Fight to recognize that your authority in and emotions about our transition is far, far less important than ours. Anything less is not allyship.
I write on trans issues frequently. I see thousands of people interact with my writings that validate cis allies and are easy to digest. I see only dozens interact with writings that challenge them to do better.
This is your chance to do better. This is your chance to be better.
Our lives depend on it.
Trans people need allies now more than ever. Please be willing to listen and admit you don't know our experiences, lives, or concerns. Our lives depend on it. #TransRightsAreHumanRights
If you live in the United States, please check here to see what anti-trans legislation is active in your state, and please advocate for us.
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