humorous (maybe) rantin and ravin

I have always hated running. It's so boring to me. The pounding on the pavement. The inability to think because all I'm thinking about is how much I hate running but recently someone told me how much they love it and how they love marathons and how they told me how to run — flat footed and with small steps — and it's transformed the way I look at running.

Now I'm not trying to compete with ultra fast runners — the ones who plague my brain and make me feel inadequate. Those perfect people with their perfect sweat running down their backs and their perfect Adidas outfits. I am running down the street in my jeans and old shoes with holes in the toes and greasy hair and bra that I slept in and I don't care because what does it matter? I'm running and sweating and going to take a shower anyway so who the hell cares if I roll out of bed and start running in whatever. I'm just glad I'm motivated to run because I'm not worrying about whether my outfit looks good. On a related note, I also like running after dark for this very same reason: nobody can see you. The only problem is that that's when the crazies come out (not me! I'm not crazy!!) and so you run the risk of being attacked in the dark but who cares! Who is going to attack a butt sagging woman in her 50s? Nobody that's who and that's a good thing.

They say that many people go from being slightly depressed in their 50s to a more elevated mood in their 60s. I think I'm already starting to see that bend in the road. I just don't care anymore. There is only so much time left and we're all heading in the same direction anyways (newsflash: you're destined to be old and saggy and wrinkly, if you're lucky) so you might as well make the most of whatever time you have left. And I also figured out why older people wear outlandish and garish clothes sometimes. It's to get attention when the world wants to pretend you don't exist. So now I have even MORE reason to dress like a clown and love it.

Today I wore these ridiculous bell bottoms that literally made a little kid and mom chuckle at me as I walked into Safeway at 7am. The old me would have been 'grrrrr LEAVE ME ALONE!' The new me is like 'Hey! I brought a smile to someone's face and made them notice me! It's a win-win!' I made the guy working in the freezer section laugh and get chatty over nothing just so he could talk to the loony tune in his aisle. I made the Starbuck's lady want to know my name just because she saw my bell bottom ridiculous pants. I swear: when you dress like a fool, people open up to you more. I'm one step away from dressing like a clown every day if it brings people joy and gets an invisible older woman attention.

But now it's time to run. I hate running but I'm going to do it. One little step at a time. One flat footed step at a time. No music. Just me and my bell bottoms outside getting attention for looking like a fool. It's the only way to use whatever time I have left.