I'm sitting here in my cozy leggings and red turtleneck, nursing a lovely cup of coffee, and listening to my Morning Charge playlist. (Join me won't you?) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5nXEwVgD1MGj6PLxrTGHIQ?si=w8H9Emf_QiOgSDgdm3vOjg&pi=IGkI0yxzQSy1S

I think I can do this. I can do my life. This last span of time has felt..heavy, oppressive, dark. I'm grateful for that. I realize that so many of the things that I ask for continue to show up for me and I am aware that everything is always working out for my highest good. That is a beautiful and terrifying awareness. This week has felt like a drain, a void, like the absence of…something. Like I am about to fall off the universe. I felt unmotivated. Unfocused. Melancholy. Unmoored. And then the understanding showed up. Sistah Grief had come to visit with me. I miss my parents so much. The longing for my mom and dad is deep and unrelenting. It resides alongside the knowledge that I will never hear them sing, see them smile and dance, or watch them bustle around the kitchen again. I know that the moment of crippling impact is inevitable. When I am so broken that even tears and breathless wailing seem to be useless. I become aware of a creeping sense of dread. Unease. Nothing I do feels satisfying to me. Something is coming. Sometimes it hits me with no warning. Either way, the experience shakes me to my very soul every time. It almost feels like the frequency or the vibration falters or is disrupted somehow. Yes, that's what it feels like. The frequency has glitched. Not faltered, it can never do that. It can glitch, which is different from a shift. (More on that later. Maybe.) The purpose, as it is with all things, is for me to receive the information I need — I was going to say "to continue forward" or "for the moment". Neither of those applies. The purpose is for me/you/us/yawl to receive the information we need. That is all. That is everything. So as I breathe deeply into the embrace of this day, I remember that several hours ago, a few days ago, a few million thoughts ago, I was on the brink of falling off the universe. Sitting with Sistah Grief and holding onto her just as tightly as I hold onto Sistah Joy. Anchored to this existence by an embrace. By my words.

Today, I am a successful writer. Grieving while I celebrate.