Living among friends from Turkey, Egypt, Pakistan, and other Arab countries, I've noticed something striking: men from there are incredibly affectionate with one another. They hug, say "I love you, bro," send heart emojis, and openly express their care — even in public. It's not weird. It's not questioned. It's just how they show friendship.

In contrast, where I live now — in West Java, Indonesia — things are very different. The dominant culture of masculinity here is rigid and reserved. Men are expected to be tough, calm, and emotionally restrained. If you act even slightly expressive, people immediately throw around labels like "too soft" or "not man enough."

I once told a close male friend, someone who's known me inside and out for years, "I love you, bro — as a friend." His reaction? He instantly got defensive. "That's gross," he said. "Don't say weird stuff like that, it freaks me out."

It struck me. Not because I was offended, but because it made me realize how deeply we've been conditioned to fear emotional closeness — even in something as simple as a friendship.

Sociologist Raewyn Connell calls this hegemonic masculinity — a dominant social expectation of what it means to be a "real man." It often demands emotional detachment and discourages tenderness, especially between men, because vulnerability is seen as weakness.

But if we're honest, many men crave emotional connection. We want to feel close, to be heard, to say "I care about you" without being laughed at or questioned.

I think it's time we redefine what it means to be a man. Expressing care doesn't make you less masculine — it makes you more human.

Because real strength isn't just about staying silent. Sometimes, it's found in the courage to be soft.